Saturday, October 17, 2009

I.AM.OVERWHELMED.

I can't do it all, even though I feel like I'm expected to. Expected to keep my house clean, my car clean, my bed made, my dishes washed, my clothes washed. Expected to keep food in the fridge, gas in the car, and money in the bank. It's time to move, study, buy a house, celebrate the holidays. I'm behind at home. I'm behind at work. My coworkers need me. My clients need me. My family needs me. My friends need me. My church needs me. I want to give and give and give- I just have nothing left.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Truth and Hope.

Truth and hope, truth and hope, truth and hope. This is the mantra repeated at my place of employment. Truth and hope is what I am to offer teens and to families. But sometimes it's so hard.

Truth. R's mom has end-stage organ failure. He has no idea. Even though his mother has said the words to him, he is limited and doesn't understand what she is saying. He thinks her medicine is what is making her sick. So my job is to tell him the truth. To sit down with him and tell him his mother is dying. To walk alongside him over the next few weeks or months as he says goodbye to his mom and watches her go. How do I tell him the truth knowing the pain he will endure?

Hope. I don't like S, which is a huge problem being that I'm her therapist, her #1 advocate, her support. I have spent hours and hours with her, and yet I can't seem to connect. I wonder if I'm just a bad therapist. Today we staffed her case at length. We questioned if she has a heart, if she has a soul. Or has her abuser managed to steal it away from her? Unfortunately, I think he has. She does not care for herself at all, and is therefore incapable of caring for others. How do I have hope? What do I hope for?

"And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor. 13:13). I have faith, I offer hope, I speak truth and I love because I am loved by the Savior.